Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
