you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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