So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I just sharted jello shots
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
