I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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