So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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