how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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