I wish my penis had an off switch
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
