I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
