I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
