I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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