Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
