i think i have two assholes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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