4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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