I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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