I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
