I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
