Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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