is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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