My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
