oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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