when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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