Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
