Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
