Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize