hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to align my fucking chakras
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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