She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
