oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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