I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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