you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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