Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
