He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
