I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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