Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
