i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
