I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
