He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
