She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
