My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize