I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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