This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
