I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
