I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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