My room smells like vodka and shame
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
