Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
