Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I AM VODKA MAN
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
