well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
