kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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