just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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