Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
