your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
