hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize