So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
