Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
