I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
