i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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