is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you had me at cake vodka
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
