I showed him my bush... on skype.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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