Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
