God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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