I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
