Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
