My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
