Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
