yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
