fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
