Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize