If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
