ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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