you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
