Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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