i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
