That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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