I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
