I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
