Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
