I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Too much gin, very little bucket
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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