i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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